i’m standing on a lake of ice, about to crumble at any moment and leave me sinking into the abyss.

 

or perhaps i am already in the abyss.

 

the to-do-list piles up quicker than i can check them off. the waking moments are getting fewer and fewer. 

 

i don’t mean to say that i’m in slumber. but i might as well be.

 

i don’t remember what i ate. i don’t remember what i said to you. i don’t remember how my face feels, when i’m out at sea and the wind carries my personality. 

 

i keep shrinking deeper and deeper. and it feels as though i might really disappear one day. 

 

i don’t want to, though. i look at the people around me, full of vitality in their eyes. and i keep begging myself, “come back, mel, please come back.” i don’t remember now, but i’m sure i was in their shoes a long, long time ago. when my mind was in full control of my body, and i wasn’t just a walking zombie.

 

i hope i’ll see the light the one day. but in the meanwhile, i’ll keep swimming in the abyss. and hope that even as this empty shell of a human that i am, you will still love me.

 

will you please hold my hand, and make me feel alive once again?