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Saturday, 11 June 2022

growing pains


Love is the most painful yet rewarding thing in the world.

This is my second failed serious relationship. And it hits differently. You would think that by now, you would have learned what it takes to make it work. 
 
I learned from my first break up that all it takes is the willingness to keep fighting for the relationship. If I hadn’t given up so easily, perhaps things would have turned out differently.
 
I practised this in my second relationship. Throughout our arguments, I never gave up. We knew that fights were just part and parcel of a relationship, and that we were good. We bulldozed our way through. And no matter how painful it was, we always chose to love.
 
But eventually, we came to learn that love itself is not enough. Love is not enough when your values and beliefs are in conflict. Love is not enough when needs are constantly not met. Love is not enough when you have different boundaries and expectations, and no resolution. Love is not enough when you are together, but forget what happiness feels like. 
 
When I was little, I never understood why people who love each other choose to go on separate ways. But I think I do now. Living with someone every day, and doing life together, requires much more than feelings of affection. It requires maturity, open conversations, an alignment of values, and a hell lot of compromise. 
 
I’m turning 28 this year. I thought that by now, I would have found my end game and be living in marital bliss. But life tends to make a fool out of us and take on a completely different trajectory. 
 
However, I’m not distraught. I think I’ve come to see that these are growing pains – the necessary pains that we experience in life to grow in experience and character. 
 
Call me na├»ve but I still believe in love. It is painful af but I know that when you finally get it right, it will be the most rewarding thing in the world. 

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