Friday, 15 April 2022

incoherent thoughts(?)

I haven't written in here in a long time. It's hard to find inspiration when you're trying to clear a brain fog half the time. And I don't feel like writing something coherent today, so skip this if you wish.

Don't you sometimes wonder how things can change so quickly and drastically?

One moment, you're at the bottom of your class trying to not fail math. The next moment, you're receiving your master of philosophy from the praelector. 

One moment, you're running your personal best and the next, you have a permanently torn ligament, and the persistent dull ache reminds you of it all the time. 

One moment, it's till death do us part and the next is how to split the finances.

One moment, your mum is cradling you in her arms. The next, you're holding that same arm to help her take a step forward.

Nothing is permanent. And most things are beyond our control. I've recently come to learn that trying to keep the status quo, against the course of nature, only leads to anxiety. Take life one stride at a time. There are moments of disappointment, and moments of serendipity. And as I always quote the wise old King Solomon,

"I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind."

-    Ecclesiastes 1:14

Sunday, 23 January 2022

Perhaps love

After 27 years of living, I think I still haven't fully grappled with what it really means to love someone. 

Is it a feeling of affection towards a person? 

Is it wanting only the best for them? 

Or is it wanting to possess and have all of them? 

None of these definitions seem to quite cut it. 

We are capable of loving someone even when the feelings of affection aren’t there. Even when we’re annoyed or frustrated with them. 

We are capable of loving someone and yet not want the best for them if it threatens our own survival. 

We are capable of loving someone while choosing to not have them because sometimes, we understand that it just wasn’t meant to be. 

What, then, does it mean to love someone? 

I don’t know. Perhaps it is whatever we make it out to be. 

Perhaps it is choosing to share some of your joys and sorrows with a person. Perhaps it is being upset or angry at a person, but choosing to stay any way. Perhaps it is choosing to step out of your headspace to see things from their perspective, even when it is so f*cking difficult. Perhaps it is finding out what a psycho the both of you can be but still choosing to say, ‘I do’. 

Perhaps that is love.
© Melody Sim | All rights reserved.