Loading...

Sunday, 10 October 2021

baby steps

for kester, thanks for never walking away

The overcast weather makes me feel like God cares about my dark and gloomy soul. 

I relapsed today, after doing well for so many weeks. I thought this was it, as I watched all my hard work and effort to get better go down the drain.

I woke up with my throat parched from the alcohol last night and my hunger intensifying with every passing minute. But I didn't get up. I laid in bed for the next five hours. It felt impossible to get up. 

But. I. eventually. did. 

I remembered that there was work tomorrow. I briefly considered taking the day off to rest but I really didn't want to. I knew I had to get my shit together before that. It's amusing that instead of being a stressor, work is always one of the things that drive me in life.

But more importantly, I remembered that only I can pull myself out of this shithole of a brain. Over the past two years, I placed so many expectations on my partner to make sure that I'm okay. But I've come to learn that it is completely unfair and pointless. Because when it comes to the brain, only you can and should help yourself. So, I willed myself out of my shithole. 

This morning, it felt like there was no way out but here I am now, just a couple of hours later, writing this with courage. I guess I would call this baby steps.

Remember. It's temporary. It is always temporary. Every cloud has a silver lining. And every storm will pass.

And we'll always be good.

Wednesday, 6 October 2021

perhaps we shouldn't take life so seriously?

I started journaling my mood some time ago, and I noticed that my best days are the days when I choose not to take life so seriously.

They are the days when I choose to be unproductive and that's okay.
They are the days when I let my phone buzz away, and am unbothered by it.
They are the days when I'm not multi-tasking.
They are the days when I pause to listen to the lyrics of my favourite songs.
They are the days when I'm filled with inspiration and the words flow effortlessly.
They are the days when I lie in bed with you, and listen to the sound of the rain.

I'm turning 27 in less than a month. Two more 27s and I may well be lying in my grave. So, instead of mulling over the past, being anxious about the future and feeling sad about things that are beyond my control, I might as well savour that cup of coffee in front of me and bask in the beauty of every passing moment while I can

Or perhaps, these are just the reflections of another privileged person, typing away in a cafe at the centre of Raffles Place.

© Melody Sim | All rights reserved.