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Friday, 1 June 2018

Never would we have guessed...


I first saw you when I was eleven. Well, I couldn't tell which one you were, since there were two of you that looked exactly the same. Two little boys wearing similar glasses, with practically the same voice and the same mischievous look on their faces. Never would I have guessed that one of you would be my fiancé twelve years down the road.

I don't know why (okay, actually, I think I do) but I had a reputation of being a bimbo when I was younger. I remember that call that I received from you boys, just hours after collecting my PSLE certificate. One of you asked how I did for the exam. And when you boys heard that I got a pretty decent grade, you boys kept saying, 'stop lying!', over and over again. I was furious. Never would I have guessed that one of you would be my fiancé eleven years down the road.

When I was forteen, like most of the girls in my school, I was obsessed with a Korean boy band. I wore a key around my neck everywhere I went, symbolising a member of a boy band that I used to adore. I remember you joking, on one of the Sundays, that I should be wearing a cross instead. I'm not sure why, but the following Sunday, I came to church with a cross around my neck. Never would I have guessed that you would be my fiancé nine years down the road. I'm still wearing it today.

It was at one of our cell group gatherings over hot pot. I love prawns but I hate peeling them. I remember asking if you could help me peel some, since you were seated beside me. You replied, 'If you don't mind me peeling it with my mouth.' I'm not sure if that was meant to gross me out but I somehow found it endearing. I ate lots of prawns that evening. And perhaps, that was the first time I found you (mildly) attractive. Never would I have guessed that you would be my fiancé eight years down the road.

When you shared about your break up with the rest of us, I was heartbroken to hear that you were with someone else all this while. I guess I must have liked you quite a lot by then. But I had my own eye candy at school anyway. I remember asking you guys if I should garner the courage to add him on Facebook and you encouraged me to do so. Never would I have guessed that you would be my fiancé seven years down the road. I was too much of a coward to add him. We are still not Facebook friends till today.

We talked over the phone till 3.a.m. in the morning, sharing about our insecurities and telling each other about things that we had never told anyone else. I guess we were really good friends by then - friends that could emotionally rely on each another. But I think I must have loved you by then, for I remember yearning, with all my heart, to be in your embrace one day. Never would I have guessed that you would be my fiancé six years down the road.

We were at the rooftop of Nex. I remember it so clearly that the thought of it still makes me flinch today. There were many people hanging out and chatting around us but we were too absorbed in our argument. Our faces were drenched in tears. The break up card had been played. I was certain it was over. You were certain it was over. We tried our best to make things work but our differences were too drastic and it was almost impossible for us to see eye to eye. I couldn't - didn't want to - imagine going back to a life without you. Never would I have guessed that you would be my fiancé four years down the road. We somehow fought against the grain and worked it out day by day.

I came home from university one day, exhausted from a full day of lectures. When I went to the bathroom, I saw that my name was written on the cleaning roster. Strange. I hadn't done my duty for the week. Yet, the bathroom was sparkly clean. As I took a closer look, I saw that it was written in your handwriting. I knew in my heart that you would be my fiancé one day.

You said that when we were younger, you told your best friend that even if I was the last girl standing on this earth, you wouldn't marry me. I was a selfish, crude, and perhaps crazy, girl back then. Never would you have guessed that I would be your fiancée a decade later. But today, I want to say, thank you for eventually seeing the good in me. Thank you for coming to love me. Thank you for writing this epic love story together with me.

Thank you for being alive. Happy Birthday my dear ♥

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