Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Break down, break up

You know, he took my breath away the first time I met him. He looked so smart in his navy suit and tie; I just couldn’t take my eyes off him! I asked him to dress up for dates but he just couldn’t be bothered. I had to beg him – can you believe it?

I spent hours and hours preparing for his birthday surprise. You have no idea how difficult it was, trying to keep it a secret when I see him almost every day! And guess what…? He expressed more gratitude to his old friends who simply turned up.

Of course I loved his random surprises. I would receive clothes, bags and shoes out of nowhere – oh, I loved it best when he brought my favourite food home! But I would have traded all these gifts for a day well spent together…

I have insomnia. It takes me hours to fall asleep and I end up watching him drift into slumber every night. I wish, how I wish he had waited for me to retire for the night. It would’ve been easier, probably.

I honestly thought that he was the one for me. Although it wasn’t perfect, I was willing to compromise, to work things out. If only he had the courage to tell me to stay…

I miss him.

I tell you, she’s beautiful. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I don’t understand why she had to dress up all the time. I loved how she looked in glasses, t-shirt and shorts. She never believed me. What could I do?

I showered her with gifts on random occasions to make her happy. The smile on her face was worth a year’s wages. Well, she did seem happy but it just… never felt like I was doing enough?

She was an amazing listener. I looked forward to going home every day to tell her about my day at work. She somehow made it better without saying anything! It’s just that she never seemed to understand that what I yearned for was her kiss, her embrace, and her pat on my back.

I am an early riser. I was always the one waiting for her to open her eyes. I wanted to be the first thing she saw in the morning but she never tried to get up early, before I left for work.

I swear, I would’ve proposed to her. The moment we got together, I knew she was the one I wanted to marry. Why did she have to say those words? I would’ve forgiven her. If only she said she was sorry…

I miss her.

Tuesday, 5 April 2016

Not made for war

I pull open the curtains of my eyes.
A burst of sunlight invades my moment of reprieve.
It's another day, but it's the same old war.

They say, "Come join the army."
They say, "Take up the call."
They say, "Defend your country!"

We took up the call.
We've been preparing for war.
We've spent our lives waiting for that moment.
The moment that we pick up our weapons.
The moment that we shed blood for honour.
The moment that we march the victory march.

We wait.
And wait.
And wait.

In the meanwhile, we train hard.
We give up on the things we've always wanted to do,
We walk away from the hustle and bustle of life.
We sacrifice.

We spend (almost) every moment preparing for the war.
And soon we forget that we ever wanted to do those things.

We march into the battlefield with smiles on our faces.
We boost our morale with songs of victory.
We count down to D-day - 
The day we flaunt our life's worth of sweat and blood.

Like fools, we march on and on.
Like fools, we believe we will win.
Like fools, we allow them to make us fight their wars.
But in reality, we've lost from the beginning.

It's another day, but it's the same old war.
The war against my classmate and my colleague.
The war that society has called us to.
The war that offers security and success.

I'm marching onward to that war,
But I'm spiralling downwards in everything else that I have known.

I'm not made for war.
I'm not made for war.
I'm made for my safe haven.
I'm made for your embrace.
In your arms is where I find security.
But I will fight the war.
And I will win the war.
© Melody Sim | All rights reserved.