I am
someone who cries easily.
A few
months ago, I cried when my father reprimanded me.
2
years ago, I cried when my Commanding Officer humiliated me.
3
years ago, I cried upon receiving my mediocre “A” level results.
7
years ago, I cried when my first cheerleading competition was cancelled.
12
years ago, I cried when the boys at school stole my Hello Panda biscuits.
15
years ago, I cried when a kangaroo snatched a bag of fries from my hands.
That
is not all.
Even
now, I cry after EVERY argument – whether I’ve won or lost.
I cry
when people say nasty things about me.
I cry
when I can’t think of a good comeback.
I cry
when I’ve done something wrong and when I’ve hurt someone.
I cry
when I think of people that I dearly miss.
I cry
when I’m stress, when I’m sad, when I’m hurt, when I’m disappointed, when I’m
angry.
And
that’s not the worst part. The worst part is that, sometimes, people are
watching. Because I’m utterly embarrassed, instead of ceasing to cry, more
tears end up spilling out of my eyes.
“Stop
being a crybaby.”
“Why
are you overreacting?”
“Stop
acting like it’s such a big deal.”
These
are but the few things that I always tell myself when I’m stuck in an
embarrassing and tearful (literally and figuratively) situation.
A
couple of weeks ago, I got so frustrated at myself that I googled, “Why do I
cry so easily?” Yes, the answers that I find on Google are usually surprisingly
therapeutic when I’m angst-ridden. (This includes questions such as “why do I
hate everyone?”, “why am I always tired?” and “how to get rid of period cramps?”)
I
learned 2 things that made me no longer ashamed of my crying habits.
1. Crying is not a sign of
weakness.
I
know it is clichéd. You’ve probably heard of it before – so have I – but
somehow, feeling ashamed of your tears seems inevitable. You’re afraid that
others may think that you’re sensitive, overemotional and weak.
Every
time I’m on the verge of tears, I would look into the light, bite my lips,
swallow my saliva, and try not to blink – anything that would not give it away. Sometimes I succeed. I manage
to hold back my tears, just in time to run to the washroom for a good long
bawl. Sometimes I don’t. (In my mind) I would curse and swear at myself,
punishing myself for the unwarranted scene that I’ve created.
I
realised that I needed to stop. Crying is not a damn crime. I read the medical science behind crying: it is a mere
release of the buildup of energy and feelings. It is not because you’re
helpless, it does not mean that you’re giving up and it should not be something
that you ought to suppress. People cry when they’re touched, people cry when
they’re overjoyed, people cry when they’re sad, people cry when they’re
embarrassed. It. Is. Perfectly. Normal.
2. Crying makes you human. (and stronger.)
“Heaven knows we
need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of
earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than
before - more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.”
― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations
I’ve
never really noticed it but I always, always, always feel better after
letting it out. Pouring out buckets of tears seems like the perfect metaphor
for emptying my frustration, anxiety, and disappointments… The situation might
not have changed (a single bit) but I’m renewed with greater fortitude.
Singapore’s
founding father, Lee Kuan Yew, did not hold back his tears on National TV when
he announced the failure of Singapore’s merger with Malaysia in 1965.
Abraham
Lincoln, the President who led America through its civil war, did not stifle
his sobs when he first heard the Battle Hymn of the Republic, a song written in
the midst of the civil war, proclaiming God’s faithfulness in times of
tribulation.
Jennifer
Aniston, now happily married to Justin Theroux, shed heart-breaking tears over
her divorce with Brad Pitt in 2005.
They
may have seemed like tears of devastation but these tears were merely
stepping-stones to a greater future. The psychology of crying reveals that it
is a survival mechanism. It is a signal that you need to address something. It
is after crying that I have the courage to apologise for my mistakes. It is
after crying that I am able to swallow insults and accept correction. It is
after crying that I can raise my hands and praise Him through the storm.
The
next time you feel like crying when you’re in a crowd, don’t be ashamed of
yourself. Don’t be afraid to let it out, for the one who isn’t afraid of what
others may perceive of him or her is more courageous than the coward who judges
at the corner. After all, it just shows that you're human.
