Living with the monster

 © Jairus Reflections

I’ve encountered many

Who have sucked the life out of me.

Yet they were never as difficult to forgive

As the one who threw me into the abyss.

In church, they teach you forgiveness.

“The one who forgives is the one who’s most courageous.”

Yet no matter how much I fast and pray,

The thought of that one just screws up my day.

It wouldn’t have been so hard to forget,

If I were the only one to whom he owed a debt.

But because he grieved the ones that I treasure,

My heart can never again love with such measure.

I long, I long, I long to escape

But wherever I go, I still see his shape.

Oh Lord, Oh Lord, will you count it as sin

If I’ve forgiven everyone but the one under my skin?

Despite the yearning to end my afflictions,

I’ve chosen to live with the bane of my existence.

For those who’d lament when I say my goodbyes,

I’ve instead decided to embrace the one that I chastise.

So maybe, just maybe, there’s a reason to forgive.

There’s a speck of hope that I could relive.

Because I’m so noble to live with the monster,

Forgiveness is probably something that I can conjure.

That one thing

Like a permanent scratch in your previously unblemished eyeglasses,

Like the excessive sugar in your finely brewed cup of Earl Grey tea,

Like a blundering stroke on your almost perfect art piece,

Like the last pinky fingernail that has been cut too deep,

Like a robust Politics essay with a lackadaisical, last-minute conclusion,

Like a delicate melody that ended on a jarring note,

Like a charismatic, intelligent, witty and committed man with bad breath,

Like a streak of successful football passes that ended off with a shot off target,

Like the private with a psychomotor problem in the otherwise synchronised marching contingent,

Like getting annoyed and swearing at the final hour of your otherwise triumphant “no swear day”,

Like a throbbing leg cramp at the final mile of your marathon,

Like that red velvet muffin that you could not resist on the last day of your sugar diet,

Like a perfectly timed photo that was overexposed, 

It could have been perfect, if not for that one thing.

世上只有妈妈好

二十多年前这一个女孩跟我一模一样，留了可爱的前刘海，穿着短袜，校裙也像迷你裙一样。当时她也许跟我一样，心里藏着无尽的忧虑，害怕毕业，害怕结婚，害怕生孩子。这一个女孩就是我妈。她现在不再是一个小女孩了，她是一个又独立又勇敢的女人，她是一位女战士。我十二岁的时候非常叛逆。太阳下山了，我都不想回家，更不想做功课。那年妈妈肚子里怀了小妹，走路的时候非常辛苦。有一天旁晚，我和一群朋友有约。（在妈妈的眼里他们叫“猪朋狗友”。）妈妈不允许我离开家门去见他们。倔强的我违背妈妈的意志，任性的冲出家门。可怜的老妈因为太关心我，不顾自己肚子里的胎儿，也一起跟我任性的冲出家门，抓住我的尾巴。结果妈妈整身腰酸背痛，我心里也觉得非常内疚。

我是家里最大的孩子。妈妈总共生了五个小孩。我过了叛逆期时，妈妈以为可以终于吸气了。最烦恼的是弟弟比我还叛逆，比我还任性。妈妈试了不同的方式，结果还是没办法只能把自己藏在房间里向上帝祈祷。那时我终于了解了母亲的爱。妈妈整天在房间里绝望的向上帝请求。上帝看到了妈妈苦涩的泪水，听到了妈妈的哀求，弟弟终于改过自新。

在我的青春期，我遇到了一些对我表示兴趣的男生。爸爸的性格比较开放。对我们孩子们，他也比较安心。他从来都不会八卦我与别的男生的关系。妈妈就是不一样。妈妈老是过度的保护我们。她因为害怕我心碎，害怕我被坏男孩欺骗，她总是观察我交往的男生。我出门前一定会被她审问，有时我还怀疑她可能在跟踪我！当时我还年轻，我还不懂事。妈妈那么关心我，但是为了一些不值得的男生，我却残忍的压碎了她的心。

我现在快要二十一岁了，两年后就要毕业，开始做工。不久以后也要结婚，生孩子。想起妈妈无微不至的照顾，不可计量的牺牲，卓越的爱，我感激不已。我终于成熟了，终于了解母亲的心。世上的确只有妈妈好。

London's a gem but Manchester's home

Studying abroad (with your other half) is amazing and a dream come true; but even so, it can sometimes get pretty lonely at home (especially when we’re both locked up in our own rooms studying). We were as excited as little children meeting their playmates when Russy came over! It was his first time in the UK (in fact, in Europe) and we were eager to show him around Manchester London. Furthermore, we were endeavouring to surprise Jia Lok (for his birthday) at his door step in London. IT WAS A SUCCESS. 



As we only had 3 days to explore, we filtered down to the few (must-go) places.

1. Hyde Park (& Buckingham Palace)

It was my 3rd time in London and each time I visit, I'd never miss a walk in that awe-inspiring park. I absolutely love how such a huge green space exists right in the middle of such a bustling city. Just imagine taking a walk or having lunch in such a park during your break at work - how refreshing! It's a pity we don't have such luxury of space in Singapore. Of course, since we were at Hyde Park, we took the opportunity to walk through Green Park to visit the epitome of the monarchy. 

2. Stamford Bridge

I wanted to skip this one (it's the 4th stadium I've visited and the only stadium that I still wish to visit is the Santiago Bernabéu!) but the boys (being fervent Chelsea supporters) were adamant about stepping foot on their home ground. It was... just another stadium. (Objectively, the Emirates stadium is by far the nicest stadium that I've visited.)

3. Burger and Lobster

BURGER AND LOBSTER!!! London, to me, is all about the food. (Especially since I've pretty much explored all the tourist attractions.) The Lobster here is huge, succulent, mouth-watering and worthy of every penny. If you were to ask any Londoner to recommend a restaurant in London, I assure you that it'd be B&L. It was my 2nd time there and I'm looking forward to more!!! Apart from B&L, Gold Mine's Roast Duck is on my must-eat-in-London list. It is better than the duck rice they have in Singapore - can you imagine?! Apparently, it is very popular with the (London) flight crews of Singapore Airlines. We tried Kanada-Ya Ramen Bar (recommended by a Jap friend) as well and the feeling of satisfying my 7-months-ramen-craving was indescribable.

4. Borough Market

It was my first time there and it was a pleasant experience - although I would describe it as a "High Class Pasar Malam". Everything was overpriced so we basically "sampled" our fill. What was interesting was the types of meat they sold there. After trying a sample of one of the meat they offered, I asked the sales girl what it was and she replied, "Bambi!" Oh. Gosh. She ruined my childhood. The boys tried Kangaroo and Ostrich meat as well but it was a no-go for me. For the rest of you (unadventurous people) who are just like me, the duck confetti was really good!

5. Wicked

It was truly wicked! We enjoyed every single bit of it, from the plot to the singing and the props. It was sick. I watched Billy Elliot the first time I came to London but this completely nailed it. Les Misérables and Phantom are next on the list!

This pretty much sums up our 3 days in London, not forgetting Hillsong (our London ritual) and its amazing worship! Yes, no Big Ben and Westminster Abbey (just because I've seen it before and it's a see-once-and-tick-it-off-your-list kinda thing and Russy's not interested.) Having said all of this, whenever someone asks me, "Manchester or London?", I would say "Manchester" without thinking twice. London is amazing for so many reasons but it really needs to chill. (Not literally, of course.) The amount of people in the city and the pace in which they move at is...dizzying. And when people are so caught up with getting to the next place, they tend to forget to stop and appreciate their surroundings, to be nice to the people around them. That is why Manchester triumphs over London. (Well, also because everything's cheaper!)

London's a gem but Manchester's (a second) home!