Monologues in her head

(Monologues in her head.)

Stuck.

I’m not stuck in a traffic jam, neither am I stuck in a perplexing mathematics problem of complex numbers.

They aren’t so bad.

I’m stuck in the middle of two conversations. One on the topic of rich people and their vain pursuits. The other on a contentious debate of science and religion.

It’s not that I have an issue with the selection of topics. In fact, I would gladly conduct an extensive research on either of them. It’s just that…  Despite the countless amount of ideas flooding my brain, I can’t seem to find the appropriate time to express them. At least not when everyone is fighting for his or her turn to speak.

I’ve always been fascinated by the ENFPs, ESFPs, ABCDs - whatever. Their ability to speak their minds without hesitation. Their capacity to go on blabbering and blabbering for hours. Their confidence that enables them to shamelessly hog the limelight.

Being stuck in the middle of two conversations – dominated by these highly expressive and extroverted people – makes me utterly envious (the word jealous has too much of a negative connotation) and miserable (so much for my feeble attempt to be positive).

How can they bring themselves to say such dumb things?

(I would never dare to utter a single word without thinking twice, or thrice.)

What makes them think others are interested in what they’re saying?

(I certainly do not want to burden anyone who’s probably not keen in my two cents’ worth.)

Okay. I can’t possibly ostracise myself for the entire time… I have something to say regarding rich people. I’ve got it crafted perfectly. Let’s go!

“Guys, I’ve got something to say. You can’t actually blame them for how they spend their…”

Ugh. How dare that loud bitch cut me off in the middle of my sentence, with that whiny voice of hers! Ahah. Now she’s being cut off. Serve her right.

I’ll try the other conversation.

“Guys, I think science actually reinforces rather than contradicts relig…” Never mind. I’m officially abandoning any attempt to squeeze myself into a conversation…

Everyone is talking, damn it. No one’s listening! How is it even a conversation when no one is actually listening? Except me. (Well, not anymore since I, too, have started talking. To myself.)