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Sunday, 21 July 2019

7 minutes.


7 minutes.

I saw him at the corner of the cafeteria with his friends, our friends. Should I go up to say hi? No, I think I'll just walk away.

He walks over and taps me on the shoulder. He asks me how I've been doing. I said I'm alright - the words "I miss you" lingers on my lips. I bite my lower lip and...

6 minutes.

He said he's been doing well, making new friends and finding time to pursue his hobby. I smile, delighted to hear that life has been treating him well. And then, my heart frowns, knowing that he is moving on just fine...

5 minutes.

He tells me about his work, his dog, the new book he's been reading... he goes on and on. He has always been quite the talker - was, and still is.

4 minutes.

The familiarity scares me. The way he talks, as though he has known me for ages - he has.  The way he looks at me, as though he knows all my fears and insecurities - he does. The way he smiles at me, as though I light up his entire world - I don't, at least not anymore.

3 minutes.

He doesn't stop talking. I observe his soft, ruffled hair moving towards the direction of the wind. I take a glimpse of his defined shoulders where my head used to lie. I watch his animated gestures, with the hands I used to hold.

2 minutes.

He finally stops talking. Silence, as we look at each other with an intense longing. (Or perhaps it was just one-sided). Five, four, three, two...

1 minute.

His friends call out for him. We say our goodbyes. I don't know when the next 7 minutes will be but till then, we are strangers again.

Sunday, 30 June 2019

9 redundant words commonly used in the SAF


So, this is part 2 of my speak-good-English campaign for the SAF. ☺ (Find part 1 here.)

1. Double Confirm
Redundant word: Double
Reason: If you need to "double confirm", it means you haven't confirmed it the first time.

2. Spare Stockpile
Redundant word: Spare
Reason: Stockpile is already spare.

3. New Initiative/Innovation
Redundant word: New
Reason: An initiative/innovation is already new.

4. Short Brief
Redundant word: Short
Reason: Briefs are meant to be short.

5. General Gist
Redundant word: General
Reason: Gists are meant to be general.

6. Comprises Of
Redundant word: Of
Reason: "Comprises of" is incorrect. Use either "comprises" or "consists of".

7. Fundamentally Revolutionise
Redundant word: Fundamentally
Reason: To revolutionise is to change something fundamentally.

8. IPPT Test
Redundant word: Test
Reason: IPPT = Individual Physical Proficiency TEST

Last but not least, my all time favourite...

9. Two Times Safety Vests
Redundant word: Times
Reason: Do I need to explain?

Tuesday, 25 June 2019

Not alone

Have you ever woken up feeling as though someone punched you right in the chest?

Have you ever craved for sad tunes even though what you really need is something to cheer you up?

Have you reached the point in life when you realise that your happiest days are behind you?

Have you figured out that no matter what you do, you will never be fully contented?

Have you ever tried to hold back your tears till your head starts to really, really hurt?

Have you ever had to tell yourself to breathe in and out, in and out because of an overwhelming sense of despair?

Have you ever felt like this world is one cruel place but you deserve it anyway?

Have you ever wished for just a little bit more mercy, a little bit more grace, and a little bit more kindness?

Have you ever had to convince yourself that it's worth living another day so that mum won't be heartbroken?

Have you ever felt so alone in this world?

If you have,

You are not alone.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.



Wednesday, 29 May 2019

When my heart was full


Thursday, 23 May 2019

7 commonly mispronounced words in the SAF


It has been 10 months since I came back from the UK and resumed work in the SAF; and one thing that I have absolutely not gotten used to is how poor our pronunciation is. Not trying to be cocky but here's my endeavour to re-educate my fellow soldiers who have been in the SAF for way too long. ☺ #sorrynotsorry Please feel free to add on to the list.

1. Debris 
How it is mispronounced: debriS (with the S)
How it should be pronounced: de-bree (without the S)
Click here to listen.

2. Photographer 
How it is mispronounced: photograph-er (conveniently add 'er' to photograph)
How it should be pronounced: fuh-tore-gre-fer
Click here to listen.

3. Interoperable 
How it is mispronounced: inter-ROPE-perable
How it should be pronounced: inter-RAW-perable
Click here to listen.

4. Vis-à-vis 
How it is mispronounced: vis-a-viS (with the S)
How it should be pronounced: vis-a-vee (without the S)
Click here to listen.

5. Canopy 
How it is mispronounced: kuh-NO-pee
How it should be pronounced: keh-NER-pee
Click here to listen.

6. Narrative 
How it is mispronounced: neh-RAY-teeve
How it should be pronounced: neh-RUH-teeve
Click here to listen.

7. Route 
How it is mispronounced: rahwte
How it should be pronounced: root
Click here to listen.
(P.s. This one is slightly contentious since it is pronounced as 'rahwte' in some parts of the US BUT definitely not anywhere in the UK. And if you choose to pronounce it as 'rahwte', then practise some consistency man - rahwte march. ☺)

Sunday, 19 May 2019

Breaking the cycle of unkindness

Kindness Changes Everything

They say that kindness begets kindness. The same can be said for unkindness; that unkindness begets unkindness.

-

The boss of an SME wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. Her employee submits a piece of work that he has spent the entire weekend working on; but has made a slight oversight on the calculations. She throws the stack of paper back to him and tells him not to bother submitting such "subpar work".

The employee goes back home in the evening. He is no longer an employee but a father. Sitting down at the dinner table with his wife and kids leaves a warm, comforting sensation in his chest, assuring him that the disappointment he faces at work is all worth it. But then, his twelve-year-old son starts complaining that dad is never there at his basketball games. Dad feels that he has failed as a father and yells at his son for being unappreciative of what is doing for the family, in spite of knowing that his son has no malicious intentions.

At school the next day, the son is no longer a son but a student, and a classmate. His fellow classmate cracks his usual (insensitive) jokes but today - somehow just today - he isn't amused. In fact, he is pissed off. He slams the table and spends recess alone, leaving his classmate puzzled and slightly hurt.

The fellow classmate returns home after school. He is no longer a student or classmate but a son. Mum gets home in the evening and asks the same question that she asks every day, "How was your day?"

"Don't wanna talk about it," son replies.

"Why not?" mum asks, concerned.

"I said, I don't wanna talk about it!" son exclaims, leaving his dinner unfinished.

Mum feels frustrated, not knowing how she could better communicate with her son. She rests her head on her pillow and thinks about her busy schedule at work the next day. Tomorrow morning, she is no longer a mother but the boss of an SME. She feels relieved that at least, she has competent employees in her office.

The boss of an SME wakes up on the wrong side of the bed...

-

I believe that innately, most people have the capacity for kindness. Just that along the way, life throws us lemons and we become more and more sour with each nasty encounter. We then become nasty people ourselves. But sometimes, all it takes to break this cycle of unkindness is an unsung hero who decides to go against the grain and chooses to be kind in spite of the unkindness that has been showed to him or her.

History is littered with examples of such people. From Jesus, to Mother Theresa, to Buddha. I'm no Saint but I guess having a timely reminder to be kind can make the world a better place; and myself, a happier person.

Happy Vesak Day, to all my Buddhist friends.  

Sunday, 10 March 2019

This world is sick


I think this world is sick.

Everyone is swiping away, instead of talking to one another.

It's all about the Ones and Zeros, and it's not cool to talk about our feelings anymore. 

Love thy neighbour as thyself, as long as it's on thy terms. 

We work our asses off so that our children can work their asses off; so that their children can work their asses off.

You can't talk too much - you're loud; you can't talk too little - you're "introverted". Just the right amount will do.

We are obsessed with that one thing that we don't have and forget to smile over the million other things that the world has to offer.

Life is too short to contemplate about its meaning.

I think this world is sick.

Or maybe, I'm the one that is sick.

Tuesday, 1 January 2019

Done with living a counterfeit life


1 January 2019, 1.30p.m.

Here I am, sitting at the corner of my bed, feeling slightly dazed, with the residual effect of last night's jäger, Corona, and I don't remember what.

The past year, or the past few months (to put it more accurately) have radically and irrevocably changed my life. And this, I have barely told anyone - though those who see me almost every day may have started to notice; to notice the c r a c k s in my beautifully curated life.

I am an idealist. Throughout my entire life, the decisions I've made, the words I've said, and the things I've invested in have always been the cautious strokes of a delicate portrait that I've been painting (of course with occasional slip ups). My family, my religion, my relationship, my friendships, my education, my career... And this includes the subconscious choice to keep most people at a distance so that they do not see through the cracks.

But coming back home from four years of studies in the UK, to a reality that is antipodal to my four years of bliss, has made it almost impossible to plaster the cracks from the outside. Not with the overwhelming expectations to be the same person that I was before I left the country, and the never-ending emotional and physical demands. My loved ones may find it shocking that I have become a very different person in a matter of months but I don't think that I have; from my point of view, I am finally coming to terms who I really am - and it is not that person that I've always deceived myself (and others) to be. It is not that patient yes (wo)man that I've always tried to be to the people that I love. It is not that saintly church girl that I've always been, growing up. It is not that good listener that I've always promised to be. I am not any of those.

I think that it takes courage to admit that you are a messed up piece of garbage. And of course, it takes greater courage to fight against the grain and be the best version of yourself in spite of that. So here I am today, on the first day of 2019, first declaring that I am so damn tired of living like everything is perfect. I am done with living this counterfeit life. Truth is, I am struggling to get by every day, stifled by expectations and compromising on my own happiness to put on a facade that I've got everything under control.

This will.. No, this is already changing. 2019 will be a year that I will be true to myself. I will bare my struggles to the world. I will say no to things that I frankly just don't want to do. I will not give any explanation to those that I am not accountable to. I will not try to pretend to be any kinder or saintlier than I actually am. Of course, I still strive to be the best version of myself as I always have; but this time round, it is on my own terms.

In the past few months, as I gradually came to terms with this reality, I have learned to be happy in spite of the pile of shit that I step on every day, and to embrace this broken, messed up, happy piece of garbage that is me.

And it. is. so. liberating. 💩
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